“I may not always love you, but long as there are stars above you
you’ll never need to doubt it, I’ll make you so sure about it
God only knows what I’d be without you …
If you should ever leave me, well life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me, so what good would living do me?
God only knows what I’d be without you … “
God only knows – Pet Sounds – The Beach Boys
Dear “her”,
My thoughts have driven me to think about the life I could be leading and also the life that I lead. Effortlessly I drift along my own path tossing up fractured ideas about perfection. However … no, that’s the wrong phrase … With reluctance, I know that I am not the ideal, perfect man. My flaws are numerous and my weaknesses are many, but … I have no idea where I would be without your guiding light shining.
As much as I have foibles, I know that you are not perfect as well; we are equally flawed. But using your visage/countenance as a beacon I look at myself and hope for the best. I draw a path towards greatness and achievement, not because you demand it, but because you deserve it. I do this freely and without request. I do this to find a perfection in myself that is there and hopefully, one day, to be able to complete that perfection and deserve the ideal I have placed on you.
I ask only one thing in return … your understanding that I am not placing you on a pedestal to gloat or boast. I am treasuring the creature that is within, the underlying wonderment and amazement that is your potential. Please do not use this as an excuse to think you are all deserving of my affections and admirations. I am not to be used in a disposable manner. I want to have the vision and the goal to work towards. Guaranteed, if you and I ever found each other the hope that I could be placed on that same pedestal is there.
For now … I’m happy to astound from afar. It helps me become a stronger, better man that will be in demand. Possibly that triumphant, glorious angel could be you. But if not … then for a time we both had memories and moments that are happy and pleasant. In the process we hopefully grew as people too.
God truly only knows what I would be like without you,
Enoch